


Falling

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bonds, vadful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 22:14:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21025571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: In one last ditch attempt to save her master, Ahsoka risks her life during the collapse of the temple on Malachor, sending them both falling through the floor. Will the aftermath be enough to save them both, reuniting their long lost love, or will they ultimately face the future apart?Hi guys, sorry I've been kind of absent lately. I've been struggling getting into an Anisoka mood the past week or so (I still love them, just been distracted by other things). This was something I started awhile back after a dream I had and I needed to write out where I thought it could go. So hopefully it can tide you over until I get my butt back into gear and continue my other stories. Thanks for your patience!





	Falling

“Ahsoka!” he cried, sounding pathetic. He wanted to reach to her, he wanted to hold her. Now that he’d seen her with his own eye again, not through the red tinted eye sockets of the mask, he saw his friend, his past, her light and he longed for it. He longed for all the things he’d lost over the years.

She spun around. “Anakin?” She sounded so hurt, so broken, maybe half the person she’d once been. He staggered to his feet and she did the same. “I won’t leave you,” she said, emotion breaking her voice. “Not this time.”

A million moments blurred before him. All the times she’d reached for him, saved him, stood by him. All the times she’d pushed herself so hard to be there and all he’d done was push her away. And then he saw her walking away, all over again. He felt what was left of his heart clench in his chest. He was flooded with the sorrow once more, the way it had felt to be abandoned. The one person he’d never thought would leave had disappeared down the steps into a sunset as though it had set on everything he’d ever known or understood; leaving him in despairing darkness.

She’d left him, she’d stolen his light and vanished. This was all her fault. Everything he’d become was her fault. His fingers tightened on the hilt and his eyes narrowed in anger. He brought it up, igniting the red blade and staring her down with every intention of destroying the last piece of Anakin.

“Then you will die,” he said viciously. He ignored her confusion, or the disbelief in her eyes. He ignored the way her pretty face had become pained and disappointed. He ignored the call of the child that she’d turned and pushed out of the closing temple. And for the last time, he ignored the weak begging Anakin released inside him. Never again would he surface. Never again would he take over control. It ended here and it ended now.

He brought the blade down hard; despite the fact that she hadn’t turned back around. But even without looking, she had her white ones up behind her head in time to block his strike before pushing him back and twirling in one leap to face him again, meeting him blade for blade. 

The temple closed and he forgot about everything but her. The atmosphere became increasingly electric and violent as they danced around the room in intense and practiced motions. And then all at once he was shoved backwards as she flipped away making room between them. For no explainable reason that he could see, she looked up at him from where she’d crouched, gritted her teeth and stabbed her white blades into the floor.

For just a moment, he stared at her in disbelief. What had gone through her mind? Why would she drop her guard? Why would she end the fight when he was barely four steps from finishing her off before she had a chance to get her blades back up? Did she truly believe the floor would break and he’d be taken out of the picture? He brushed aside his questions and focused all his energy on the death blow. She didn’t look up at him, she stared at his feet as she held her lightsabers in the ground. 

Just as he was about to swing, he thought he saw a phantom hand reach for her, the faintest vision of something else behind her. But before he could react, she pulled herself out of the grip as it closed on her shoulder and launched forward at him. He’d already been mid-stroke of a sweeping slash; he didn’t have time to change its direction before she made contact with him. He heard some cry, something vaguely familiar, but when his back hit the ground, the floor broke. Suddenly they were both falling through level after level. 

He watched in surprise as they fell into the darkness below, a huge purple explosion shattered the room they’d been in. Debris started raining down all around them, he caught sight of their three lightsabers falling too and there was something oddly poetic as he watched them fall far more gracefully than they did, the blades eventually shutting themselves off no longer connected to controlling hands.

After a moment of everything seeming to move in slow motion, he became aware of the approaching ground. He had no idea how far they’d fallen, how deep into the temple they’d descended. He just barely managed to get the force under him before slamming into the ground. He felt her hit the side of his chest a moment later, but all his immediate attention and focus went to stopping himself from getting crushed by the rubble as it collapsed on top of them.

He held it for as long as he could as the weight increased and his strength weakened. Why wasn’t she helping? Was she willing to get squashed just to finish him off? Finally, he felt no more things hit the pile mere inches from his outstretched hands and he threw them to the side, blinking as the dust settled.

He wheezed a bit as particles got sucked into his ventilator and stung his eyes and throat. And then he stared up at nothing but darkness. There was just enough ambient lighting to see the outline of at least a dozen floors they’d fallen through. But his night vision was suddenly glitching so he couldn’t see much more than that.

“Ahsoka,” he said, blindly feeling for his lightsaber. The temple collapse wouldn’t stop him from finishing what he’d been about to do. But his weapon failed to return to his hand. He assumed that meant it must have been stuck somewhere. He could feel her weight, but she didn’t respond. She wasn’t exactly heavy, but she wasn’t moving either. He moved his hand to touch her, a sudden rush of panic. He shook her shoulder and her head rolled to the side but still failed to wake her. “Ahsoka!” He lifted his head just enough to make out the blood that covered part of her forehead and right cheek.

He reached into the force and finally heard her grunt in pain. He relaxed slightly and dropped his head back on the uncomfortable stone. He should push her off him, find his lightsaber and finish what he’d been about to do before the explosion, but something kept him rooted there. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he studied her face that was near his neck.

_I’ve missed you_, he thought. The urge to reach out and touch her face surprisingly hard to resist. Her weight felt good on him. And even though she wasn’t laying so close to him by choice, he savored the way it felt anyways. _I’ve missed you so much._

What was he doing? He moved to get up and she finally shifted, groaning in pain. And for whatever reason, he relaxed back against the rocks and let her stay there. She was unconscious and she still controlled him. How had he become so weak? This was maddening. 

But as the seconds ticked by, it became no easier to rouse her or move. Her presence was intoxicating his senses. Feeling her so close again was filling holes he’d long thought he’d buried. Why did it have to be this way? Why did they have to be on opposite sides? He liked it better when she was dead, and he could curse her name like he cursed everything else. This hurt too much, this brought back too many memories, too much pain, too much loss. Too much weakness. Every second he failed to move became another second he hated. 

What had she been thinking? Why had she tried to break the floor? Why had she tackled him? He blinked up at the room they’d been in, or what he could see from where he was laying. There was the barest flicker of white lines as though her lightsabers were still tracing the veins of the floor and electrifying it. What kind of power had she used to do that? How had she ended up with white blades in the first place? What had he seen right before they’d fallen? Who had he heard cry out? He had so many questions. 

Everything that ran through his head about the encounter didn’t really make sense. She’d said she wouldn’t leave him, but then he’d tried to kill her. He’d felt her fight hard, but still hold back. It had almost been like they’d been playing a game of give and take, pushing each other, but neither were out for the kill. If she’d persisted, she might very well have worn him down. His suit was malfunctioning now, his breathing getting harder without the airtight seal. All she’d really had to do was outlast him. Why had she ended the fight? 

Though yes she’d caused them both to fall through the floor, it suddenly seemed more and more like that had not been an act of aggression or even of desperation. In fact, he’d been so focused on her that he hadn’t been paying attention to the impending collapse. Had she done this to save his life? Why? They were enemies...

She finally shifted as though she was coming to, moaning in pain as she moved her limbs. But instead of jumping to her feet and continuing the fight she just readjusted herself, so she was snuggled more into him, one leg over his, her arm across his stomach, her face near his neck resting probably uncomfortably on top of his shoulder guard. And without really thinking, he wrapped his right arm around her, pulling her tighter against him. He cursed himself as soon as he’d done it, knowing that when she woke up again, she’d never stay there. 

But maybe for just a moment he could pretend. Pretend that none of the past sixteen years had happened. Pretend that they’d never fallen apart, they’d never been separated, they’d never lost... it was a hopeless dream, impossible to escape. But still he held her tight to him like he used to; once again forgetting everything but her. 

“I’m scared, Master,” she said suddenly. But there was something about the way she’d said it that had hit him right in the gut. He glanced down at her, but she still didn’t appear conscious. Was this a trick of the force? Was she talking in her sleep? Or was she purposely trying to hurt him?

“Of what?” he asked hoarsely, unable to ignore the plea in her voice; the one he’d once moved mountains to save her from before.

“There’s so much darkness. It’s all around me. It’s suffocating,” she coughed. “What’s happening?”

He choked up, unable to answer her. It hurt too much. It hurt far more than he thought possible to hear the strong woman she’d become sound like a lost little child. To hear the fear that had broken her voice like in the early days of the war. When she wanted everybody to believe she knew what she was doing but clung to him anyways. What could he tell her? How could he answer her? She was right... the darkness was everywhere, suffocating _everything_. 

And suddenly, after years of accepting that he’d gotten what he’d deserved, that he’d been sculpted into a monster by everyone around him, after cursing love for all it cost him and committing to this path out of pure fury and helplessness; suddenly he cursed it instead. Suddenly it became everything he hated. Instead of being the thing that had saved him and made him powerful it became the worst enemy of them all. 

“Master?” she breathed, her voice fading either in weakness or because his hatred burned them both. “Are you still there?” She rolled into him tighter, holding him as though far more afraid to let him go than of what he’d become. “Master!” Her scream startled him too as she sat up from her nightmare in a panic. Maybe it wasn’t a nightmare, maybe it was her reality. Not once had he considered during their entire meeting what this was like for her.

He watched the back of her head as she looked around the room they were in now. He didn’t know if she saw more than he’d been able too. But despite her heavy breathing and the way she’d brought her hands up to rub her eyes, she didn’t move away from his side. And actually, when he saw her pull her knees up and drop her face in them, it took him a moment to realize he could hear her crying. 

Had she forgotten he was there? Did she not even notice? Or did she not care? Or did she hope he’d just finish her off and end her misery?

He struggled to sit up, wheezing from the exertion. If she’d noticed his presence, she didn’t react to it. Without thinking he set his hand on her back and she jumped a little. He wanted to fix this for her. He wanted to comfort her. He didn’t know why or how but he _needed_ to. 

“Ahsoka?” he gasped, wondering how he’d gone so quickly from wanting to kill her to wanting to save her. He wanted to destroy this piece of Anakin that made everything hurt so much more, that made him so weak. But no matter how fueled he was to do so, somehow Anakin had seized control again and he could do nothing but watch helplessly as sixteen years of hard work and sacrifice was undone in an instant.

She turned her big blue eyes on him and the way they reflected the low light in the darkness made him suck in a breath, choke and start coughing. He wanted to clean the blood off her face. He wanted to run his fingers down her cheek like he used to. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be alright. He wanted to pull her into his arms again and never let go. 

“You were right, Master...” she said finally. “I failed you.” He looked at her confused for a moment. He’d screamed that into the abyss a thousand times, but he had no idea she was out there to hear it. She turned away from him again and he watched her back as she took a deep breath. “I _was_ selfish. You were my best friend. You needed me, but I walked away instead. I guess at the time I was hurting too bad to think about the consequences. Maybe I even thought in my messed-up brain that I was protecting you by leaving.”

“Why would you think that?” he coughed again. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He needed to find a way out of here, a way to fix his suit.

She didn’t turn around again, she just rocked back and forth, staring at something he probably couldn’t see. “With all the doubts in my head after the trial and how easily the Jedi had turned on me, I was afraid I might freeze up in the middle of a battle. Afraid I’d do something that got you hurt or killed. Or someone you loved. I knew that would be worse than leaving. I knew you’d never forgive me after that. I couldn’t risk it. I hoped... I hoped that I could find my way and come back to you, but I never got the chance.” 

“I...” he trailed off as words failed him. There was no way to explain to her what he’d thought about her leaving. No way to yell at her and curse her and tell her she’d been selfish. Though he burned from her abandonment her expression of fear hurt far worse. All he’d focused on after her departure was how _she’d_ destroyed _him_. Not once had he thought of how destroyed _she_ was. Not once had he worried about her or how she was. Not once had he even thought to go after her, to check up on her. So sure he’d been, that she’d come back. So sure, that she’d find her way and return to him.

And he was struck with the sudden irony that she had in fact, found her way and returned to him, though now... it was sixteen years too late. She rose before he could say anything else, and her sudden absence after she’d been so close again twisted his insides into knots. 

He struggled to his feet but could only limp when he took a few steps. Either the fall, the explosion or the rubble had broken part of his right leg. He was a mess, it felt like he was weakening by the second, and if he didn’t get repaired soon, there’d be nothing left of him to do anything. Repaired_... heh, like a droid. _He might as well be one, he was empty enough. 

For a moment he blinked around in confusion, she’d disappeared out of range of what he could actually see. And as her absence permeated his essence again, it was all he could do not to panic. Why did he suddenly feel the need to cling to her? Why did he want her to stay close? He knew she wouldn’t. No matter what she’d said up there, in the heat of their emotion and the violence of the temple weapon; the reality was simple, there was no way they could make it work. No way to fix what had been shattered between them. No apology from either would ever be enough. She was too light to join him; he was too dark to join her. The best they could hope for was to part ways and pray they never cross paths again. 

She reappeared in front of him, holding out his lightsaber to him. He took it reluctantly, suddenly dreading the continuation of their fight. It looked a little bent in a few places but still worked. She’d watched him emotionless when he’d ignited it but made no moves to put hers up. In fact, she’d simply clipped them to her belt and waited in silence as though she’d expected him to cut her down and finish what he’d tried to do up there.

“Why did you stop the fight?” he asked suddenly, shutting it back off but not putting it away. Though he’d instantly regretted turning off the only source of light because his helmet was no longer working properly, and he couldn’t see her anymore as his eyes were once again forced to adjust to the darkness. But more than what he feared she could do while he’d been temporarily blinded, he hated not being able to see her face and read her expression if or when she answered the burning question; why had she been so willing to lay down her life when she was capable of defeating him?

“I... couldn’t let you die.” To his surprise, he didn’t have to see her to know she’d dropped her head. He stumbled stupidly forward, reaching for her in the darkness. His fingers made contact with something and tightened on her. He didn’t know exactly what he was touching though because he couldn’t feel with his mechanical hands. 

He sunk into the force, reaching out his senses to see with them instead. She appeared in front of him like a bonfire, lighting up the force so brilliantly it was both painful and intoxicating. He moved his hands from her lekku, which is apparently what he’d grabbed, up to her face. “Why would you save this, Ahsoka?” he gasped, tracing the lines of her face with the force as much as his fingertips. “I am nothing.”

He opened his eyes to see her blink and look up to meet his. “Not to me,” she whispered. “To me... you are everything.”

He stumbled as his broken leg gave out as though it could no longer hold him up. He grabbed for her and though she’d reached out, he’d only managed to bring her down with him. Once again, they were in a heap on the temple floor, dizzy, broken and holding onto each other for dear life. 

It was his turn to sob. Years of pain pouring out his eyes, but in stinging madness. The tears had no way to escape the suit and only started short circuiting everything, but the repeated shocks only made him cry harder.

“Anakin, stop,” she begged. Her fingers slipped through the hole she’d cut in his mask, touching his skin. It was the first time in sixteen years living hands had touched his flesh and he melted into a sensation he’d thought he’d never feel again. “I’ve got to get you out of here. You’re dying.” 

“No, don’t leave me.” He grabbed her hand before she disappeared out of sight. Though his words had been rooted in the present moment, they’d echoed the words he’d begged all those years ago; the ones he’d whispered silently to himself as she’d disappeared down the steps. Maybe the ones he should have said aloud instead of curse her for not hearing his broken heart. “Don’t leave me like this,” he choked again. He knew she couldn’t save him. He knew there was really nothing she could do. He’d sealed his fate, why did he have to drag her down with him?

To his surprise, she looked first at his hand that he’d used to grab her and then up at his face. She reached up and started lifting off his helmet. He knew he was dying but the action still scared him. But before he could resist or argue, she’d somehow managed to press her lips against his. He forgot for a moment that he couldn’t breathe. He forgot about everything except her and the way her warm lips seemed to breathe life into him.

But then she’d let go, replacing his helmet and it took all his willpower not to cry out in disappointment. “I’ll be right back,” she said with a promise. “I’m only looking for a way out, I won’t abandon you.”

He stared after her in confusion and fear. He believed her, he’d felt the promise in her kiss as much as her words, but still he sat in fear. Wondering how long to wait before the truth would be revealed, she wasn’t going to come back. Doubts creeped in, crippling and frustrating. He didn’t dare trust her though he wanted nothing more than to do so. 

And just when he was about to lash out in anger, she was back, pulling him to his feet and draping one arm around her shoulders. He staggered along beside her feeling useless and pathetic. Why was he going with her? What did he really think was going to happen outside these walls? There was nothing she could do, he was tethered to the dark side, to the Emperor. She was only delaying the inevitable.

He pulled back and she turned around looking at him in confusion. “Leave me here, you can’t save me,” he said. 

She narrowed her eyes at him, and he was acutely aware he was about to get reprimanded. Who was the master now? “Leave you here cursing my name? I don’t think so, Anakin.” She grabbed his arm again, this time practically carrying him up the steps and out of the temple.”

“You can’t save me,” he wheezed weakly. “It’s too late.”

“It’s never too late,” she said adamantly. “And if you think I’m going to leave you here to your fate than you don’t know the first thing about what I feel for you.”

“We’re enemies...”

“Not anymore.” For some reason he lost all ability to argue further. It was as though those two words had silenced him completely. The end of the discussion. Though he doubted what she said would be true off of Malachor, he stopped fighting her.

He didn’t know how long it took them to get to his ship. He wasn’t sure if he’d managed to stay conscious for all of it. He really didn’t know what was going on or where she was taking him. All he knew was his chest was so painful, every breath was laborious, every gasp shot ripples of pain up and down his body. His limbs were getting tingly and increasingly sore. It felt like his head was going to explode as he gasped repeatedly for air.

“Hang in there,” he heard her say. It was the last thing he remembered before a complete swallowing darkness.


End file.
